Paralyzed by Perfection
What's up with this "perfectionism" thing and where the hell did it come from? Geez.....I seem to get paralyzed by perfection in so many ways.....I started writing this blog post 7/28 almost 3 weeks ago. What stopped me from finishing is exactly what this post started to be about. Can I find the "perfect" words to describe how I'm feeling? Nope....well, maybe later. Well later is now.
I'm not perfect. I eat too much. I can get so caught up on stupid shit like not being able to eat an apple because it's "out of season" God forbid, that I end up tearing open a package of licorice in the grocery store because I torment myself that the apple is not only out of season, but not organic! Geez.
I can sit in front of a basket of celery at the farmers market for 5 minutes trying to decide which bunch is the greenest, for best nutrient value, and which one is not too big, not too small, so I won't waste any, and I can barely even bring myself to buy produce from anywhere but farmers markets for fear of being "locally, seasonally or organically incorrect"...but on the other hand bingeing on Chick O sticks....so what the hell?
Right now, at this very minute I have 2 minutes to get out in the gym to start my workout, before a scheduled 7am phone consult. If I don't get out there I'll have less than 60 full minutes to work out....God forbid I work out less than 60 freakin' minutes! Geez, I might not be perfect if my workout is only 45 minutes. I might not burn that extra 50 stinckin' calories if I cut it short 10 min.....and then what?
I have been paralyzed by perfection. I can't seem to get a blog post written unless I feel I've got something to say, that can be anything, anyone cares about, and the time to say everything I have to say about it....blah, blah, blah.
Time to train. not enough coffee, not enough time, the late night yogurt snack was probably not the perfect choice to make, but so what. I have to start moving again. Moving forward again. I don't need to be perfect, I'll start by cutting this blog post short, and my workout can only be 56 min.....55......54.......53
Life is good....a 50 minute workout is good.....49....
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13 comments:
Tracy:
My brother is a singer in the Philippines. He couldn't finish an album for months, because he felt he needed to be perfect in order for his audience to appreciate him.
I told him: "you don't need to be perfect. You only need to be sincere."
Trying(but failing)to see your goals realized can be frustrating. You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it. You've got to believe that you will succeed! Never admit defeat as long as time and effort remain. Our greatest asset is patience; our greatest weakness is throwing in the towel. Banish discouragement and feelings of impossibility by working hard, doing more, and not giving in! A diamond was only made beautiful after millions of years as a lump of coal.
There is no shame of wanting to be perfect-after all I am the queen of wanting perfection! AKA anal bitch!
I've been imperfect my whole life and will continue to be that way. As will you, as will everyone. Instead of trying to be perfect, strive to be less flawed today than you were yesterday.
Keep up the good work on your blog, I enjoy reading and learning from your training and Mark's. Take care.
Dealing with perfectionism is HARD. I'm just now realizing how insidious a problem it is in my own life. But how to attack... My urge is to create the "perfect" plan. OOps, sort of misses the point doesn't it. I don't have any sort of answer, just a battle in common with you and a desire to live more fully than I'm able to when perfectionism keeps stealing so much away from me.
I know exactly how you feel! I am afraid to post the second half of my RKC experience for fear of not doing it justice. I am afraid to post reviews on Dragon Door because I think I will not do it right. I am afraid to send an email for fear that I will not say the proper thing. Sheesh ... you would think I could lighten up. But I am right there with you sister. :) I like Rolando's comment ... it is all in the sincerity ... and that is something you always give your readers.
When I was training for my career, I had a really hard-nosed amazing instructor who pushed me HARD (later I realized this was b/c he saw potential in me). He would use down-time to just absolutely drill me with example patients and possible scenarios. I can still hear "Balls up, B! Whatcha gonna do?!" He pounded into us just to do something, anything. If it was the wrong thing, he said, at least we could then recognize it and move in a better direction with the next move. I didn't know it then, but he was drilling out of me the paralysis of perfection. It was one of the greatest gifts I've ever been given. At times, I do still, struggle, though.
4 ranges,
I need to take note of that..."sincere"...that's a good one! Thanks
Diana,
"Our greatest assest is patience", and I don't think you can have patience without trust. Afterall, if I relax and trust I can have and do the things that I want and need then I can...and will.
I know anal perfectionist types...I'm the kind of perfectionist that doesn't have that part, lol!
kbmarty,
Of course no one is perfect, but I think we all need to feel special in our own unique way....maybe that's what I want?
My feelings of being perfect (or not perfect), may be rooted in feelings of doubt. Doubt of my abilities.
wee,
"stealing so much away from me"
That's how I feel about time some days....wasting hours of the day.
take one,
You have to finish the 2nd part of your RKC experience that's when we met....on the last day!
There's a good picture of the two of us at Fawn's bbq...I"ll e-mail it to you.
Ack ... that will be in part three ... guess I still have a bunch to say. Love the picture of you and Mr. Rif. :)
Jennifer,
"drilling out of me the paralysis of perfection" I like that. Forcing myself to quit self-editing, and just do, or say, silence is also a form a being paralyed.
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