Tracy's Beach Food

Here's what I took to eat at the beach today, starting at top left;

4oz red flame grapes (60 cal.)
salad w/grilled corn, zucchini, eggplant, chicken (4oz) 400 cal. (leftovers)
cherry tomatoes w/ red wine vinegar/olive oil dressing (to toss w/grilled salad ingred.) 150 cal.
Peet's coffee w/cream 40 cal.
2 Tbl. PNB, 2 Tbl. raisins 270 cal.
celery 0 cal.

Total calories 920

I started my day with the usual coffee & cream, 80 cal., dinner was veg stew w/beef 300 cal., + chocolate sucker 70 cal.

Total calories 1370

I had a mini binge yesterday.....more ice cream. It's been a while since I felt that way...???? I should of started to journal my feelings, instead of losing control, but it wasn't too bad, this is what happened;

I had finished my KB workout and it was late, about 2:30. I think I had already worked myself into anxiousness about how late it was because I wasn't "starving" or anything. I started out with some yogurt because I didn't have anything pre-made (first mistake) and I thought I'd curb my hunger (looking back it was my anxiety that I neded to curb) with that first, and then make a salad. That's what I did, I made a salad with lots of tomatoes, spinach, black beans and chicken, it's now 3:30pm.

I boned some chicken thighs earlier and I had to grill them..chicken thighs are so juicy!...I also picked up some short ribs that I had put in the oven around 3:00. All of a sudden, it seemed, I had to eat meat! Alot of meat. So I ate 3 ribs....not alot of meat, kind of fatty, but good. I then moved on to the chicken thighs and ended up eating 2 large ones. At that point the conversation in my head, went like this; (4:00pm)

"Well that didn't go as planned. You probably blew it, what are you going to do for dinner? I'm sure you've used up your calories and you haven't even eaten any more veggies. Well you already blew it, you might as well have some ice cream. Oh good, there's only 1/2 pint left, let's see, if you mix some yogurt into it and add some pistachios, it'll be more to eat and not so bad....(I ate the ice cream, here's what happened next)....OK, that wasn't enough, maybe I can eat Mark's ice cream and he won't notice I've finished mine".....I ate 1/2 pint of Mark's ice cream....and then went, frantically, looking through all the "usual" hidding places for ANYTHING sweet....there's gotta be some cookies, somewhere (nope), OK, found some jelly beans....damn, only a handful.

Here's where it gets really ugly, THE PLAN;

"That's it, I'm going to the India Bakery, yes...I haven't been forever, (I deserve it) that's where I'll go. And I'll tell Mark I'm going to the store. I'll buy a whole pound! (of pastry) I might as well, why not, I already feel bad, so what's the difference? No...that's being really bad, don't do it...it'll make you feel like shit...you know it will. I know....I'll go to Trader Joes, I have to get some kind of cookie, and they have those trail mix cookies...let's see, hmmnn, a whole bag has about 1800 calories, are you really willing to do that, eat a whole bag? Why not? Might as well. I can feel them in my mouth right now...soft and chewy, sweet and nutty. As soon as I get there I can rip the package open and eat them while I shop for the rest of the groceries! Yes! Cookies! Here's your chance, you already blew it. You can be eating cookies in 15 min. Maybe you should go to the India Bakery, and then to Trader Joes, now's your chance, or forget it!"

At this point, I walk into the bedroom, where Mark is watching TV, and confess to him that I'm in the middle of an all out binge. I had to tell him beause I knew he could help talk some sense into me! And he did. I told him my plans to buy cookies, he told me to calm down, I wasn't going anywhere! I laid down, took a nap, I let it pass. A little late, but better late than never. (4:30pm)

I started all over today. I spent the morning in Santa Cruz, walked on the beach, got my feet wet, it was a perfect day...a most perfect day. Life is still good.