3 Days Down, But Looking Up

Thurs. I had to go to work for a few hours because I had a client leaving for vacation on Friday and she needed her appt. I would of chosen to stay in bed at least one more day. In fact I still felt so crappy I contemplated moving my Fri. schedule to Sat. to spend another day resting.

Even though I felt terrible I had a good food day. I had a fairly high calorie day on Wed. (sick day), in fact I later remembered eating a large apple I had forgotton about, bringing my calories for that day even higher by 120. Also, I had alot of carbs on Wed. ( peas and corn) and little raw veggies. I woke up on Thurs. weighing more than Wed. . But I decided to apply my new rational thinking to eating and practice a little willpower.

Mark and I had an interesting short conversation about some of my thoughts. As I sat down to eat some soup, he had already eaten his main meal and starting eating some ice cream. Even though I was enjoying my soup I looked at him eating ice cream and told him that I wished I could ice cream the way he could. And of course he said, "You can eat ice cream too, you just can't eat the whole container! You eat ice cream as if you'll never have another chance to eat it again, I eat ice cream knowing if I want more I can get more, so I don't have to eat it all at once."

I've talked many times about this urgency I have around food. Feeling as if I'm missing out or not going to get my fair share. I'm well aware of my many issues with food, Ive had them my whole life. I could go on and on like many people can, trying to find the answer to solve and overcome these issues. But really what it comes down to is until that happens, if it ever does, taking responsibility for my choices in the mean time.

I kept my calories low, I wasn't really hungry and I reminded myself of that when I felt a little panic setting in. I want to start thinking about what hunger feels like, I mean real hunger. When do I need to be fed. And remind myself there is so much good and nutritous food to eat, and I can eat it whenever I want. I can eat it , not I have to eat it.

AM weight 131.8

Thurs. menu

6-10:00 coffee w/cream, cocoa 185 cal.
12:00 yogurt shake w/blueberries, fiber, coffee 350 cal.
4:00 prunes 300 cal.
4:15 3oz. chicken 150 cal.
4:30 ham and pea soup w/kale 300 cal.

Total calories 1285

I woke up this morning without any bodyaches, I feel good enough to swing for at least 30 min. I'll skip yoga so I don't expose anyone else to my coughing and sniffling in class ( I hate when people show up in yoga when they're sick!).

Today will be a good day.