Tuesday, July 10, 2007

The Perfect Weight

It occured to me the other day that I am pretty much at a perfect weight, given my level of activity. Could I weigh less? I most certainly could weigh more. So, I concluded that I am in my perfect weight range.

I have no doubt I could weigh less, but why? To weigh less I would have to eat less, I could do that, but my training might suffer slightly, and to keep the muscle I work so hard to build, my weight loss would be in the form of bodyfat. And for strictly cosmetic reasons I don't want my BF to get too low, I'm too old, and there's no need. I have the willpower to starve myself down, but, come on that's stupid.

But every once in a while I'll see someone smaller than me and think, "Why can't I be that small?", "Why can't I be a size 2?". But most of the time, I'll look around me and to my surprise I might be the only person that I see that doesn't have to lose any weight. I'm not kidding! I was in Trader Joes on a Grand Opening weekend, the store was very crowded, and as I looked around I noticed that I was the only person, men included, that didn't need to lose any weight. And this is a store that caters to, supposedly, food conscious customers.

I also know that if I gained 5 lbs and kept my range at 130-135, I could become much stronger, look softer and be able to eat more! And my biggest resistance to that is mental. There's something about weighing in th 120's that mentally feels successful. What's that all about? What's so special about 125?

It's been hard enough for me to put on this last 3-5lbs, but I know that most of it is muscle. I know that because in addition to weighing my self everyday and monitoring my BF levels, my clothes fit differently. My jeans are tight around my legs, especially my hamstrings (squatting), but not around the waist/hips. My t-shirts are tight around my arms and shoulders, but no where else, I'm still the same size, and I like how that feels.

So I find it interesting, when having conversations with people about weight loss, that people fall into 4 groups (IMO), the ones that have alot of weight to lose, and I consider that more than 60 lbs, then there's the group that have a good amount to lose 40-60lbs, and then the group with 20-40 and then there's the group within 5-20lbs.

For now, I want to refer to the last group, 5-20lbs, since I'm closest now to this group.

If someone asked me if I wanted to lose any weight, if I thought really hard before answering, my answer would be "Yea, a couple of pounds." A couple of pounds? What does that mean? Aren't I already there? I mean, a couple of pounds is really only a couple of days away, if I really wanted to. So I'm already there, in my range. So after thinking harder before my answer I would have to conclude that my answer is "NO, I'm perfectly within my range." But as soon as it gets to 5lbs., it easily becomes 10, and then...... So at 5 to 10 a person is soooo close to the range they want to be.

I remember being so far away from my range (obviously, @ 250lbs.!) that I couldn't understand why a person soooo close to thier ideal weight, couldn't just tighten the belt slightly, and within a few weeks, get there! It's the same lack of motivation of a person having much more to lose. It's the same....motivation.

The first week of my diet I lost 5lbs. I didn't weigh myself for a solid week, and when I stepped on that scale and saw that 5lb. loss I knew if I could lose 5lbs., I could lose 50lbs.! And if I could lose 50lbs., I could lose 100lbs.! I knew it! I had no doubt that I was going to lose 100lbs! So as I got closer to my goal weights (my first goal was 200, then 175, then 145, and finally 135) and I saw that I could weigh whatever I wanted to, I knew how, and I had the motivation, my perfect weight was my desicion.

To be honest I still struggle with wanting to be "skinny". Somehow "skinny" still seems to be some sort of ideal in this culture and society. And I know that I can be "skinny" if I want to, in fact I was not too long ago, I think Mark described it as "scrawny"! But, taking everything into account, my genetics, my age, my activity level, my health (this is the most important one!), my lifestyle, I have to admit that I am at my perfect weight!

Monday AM weight 129.2
10:30am 1000 swing KB workout (details below)
5:15 Bikram yoga


coffee/cream 70 cal.
prunes 80 cal.
oats/sugar 200 cal.
cherries 100 cal.
broccoli salad w/grapes 400 cal. / roasted pork loin 275 cal.
chocolate sucker 70 cal.
Starbucks passion fruit iced tea (no sweetener) 0 cal.?
green soup w/chicken and cottage cheese 550 cal.

Total calories 1745

Sometimes I like to cook food monochromatically! So I used all of the green veggies I had in my fridge and made soup. Celery, onion, anaheim chili, pasilla chili, tomatillos, kale (stems included), cabbage, green beans and summer squash, garlic and fresh herbs. I didn't eat my last meal until after yoga (7:30pm), I hate eating late, but I have a heavy workout this morning and I couldn't eat before yoga.

Evening yoga class is pure willpower to attend! I hate it so much, the ONLY reason I go, is because I know I HAVE to! I need it for my health and training and the studio that I currently go to only has the 5:15pm on Mondays. I need to switch studios soon!

10:30am 1000 swings w/12kg

#1 100 2 hand swings 2 1/2 min. on , 1 min rest
#2 100 1 hand swings switching every 10, 2 1/2 min. on, 1 min rest

Each set rotated 5 x (10 sets total), 7 min. to complete both sets, 5 x 7 = 35 min. total

The weather is beautiful and so is life!


christine said...

This is just what I needed to read after the Great Pie Binge of 2007! I question myself everyday - I don't have a lot to lose, why can't I just suck it up and do it? I have no answers. But every day is a new day.

Great post as usual!

Casually Me said...

5lbs is line one decent meal. Don't sweat the small stuff. Weight comes on, it goes off...so what? You look great any way you go, and am sure you are the same person inside...relax and have a doughnut on me.

Tracy said...

Christine, Pie binge, Rice Krispy Treat binge, everyday IS a new day!

Tracy said...


Small stuff to me are things like, letting someone go ahead of me in the grocery line, my cat throwing up in the hallway and having to clean it up, someone telling me to relax and have a donut, etc...I don't care what anyone thinks of me, that's why I put myself out here on my blog.

The point is I'm very aware of what is "small" and what is "big", and it's not the numbers on the scale or "A" donut, it's the emotional fuel that allows my eating to get to the point of being out of control.

Anyway, we all have judgements about "fat people", including yourself, and the fact is that if I was still 250lbs. of fat person, you wouldn't be telling me I look great! You wouldn't be telling me to relax and have a donut, or another donut, or another donut, what difference would it make, I would still be the same person inside, right?????

I try and not tell anyone what to do, I hope I just offer my opinions based on my personal experiences. I just had a "donut binge" last week so, you can enjoy the next donut, on me.

Lisa said...

(fyi my username on dragondoor is iceskater)

"And my biggest resistance to that is mental. There's something about weighing in th 120's that mentally feels successful. What's that all about? What's so special about 125?"

I can really relate to this. Only my range is 95-99. I felt really fat when I weighed 3 digits. (I lost weight since I quit eating gluten.)

Kori Bliffert said...

Tracy do you find it harder to when you had to deal with bein 250 or now dealing with those 3-5 pounds? I know from experience that the 3-5 pounds is harder and I think it might be b/c I was there once and when I was heavier I didn't know I could get there or what it felt like to be "skinny". Weird how the mind works!

Tracy said...


I know the answer, to the question "What's it all about", it's all about "mental illness" LOL.

When I posed the question, it was only to reflect on my thoughts, not an actual question.

Even though I don't have a full blown eating disorder, I do have "dis-ordered eating", and sometimes experience an unhealthy view of my weight.

I think the important part of this post, for you, was the last sentence at the end of the second paagraph.

Take care

Tracy said...


I'm assuming that you didn't weigh 250, right?

I think the one of the points of this post is that lack of motivation, is lack of motivation. That will keep a person from losing 3-5lbs, or 100-150lbs, because either way, with motivation it CAN BE DONE.

If I didn't want to mantain muscle, and I didn't care how sickly I looked I have no doubt I could weigh 110 if I wanted to. What keeps me sane is my vanity!
It's the balance that I find difficult. (Sane/insane. lol) The "why" I want to or need to weigh less. (or more)

Also I have been thin, and fat many times in my life, and I relate to being "ME", not "me thin" or "me fat", I never saw myself as "fat" first. In fact when I was fat, it always surprised me to see a reflection of myself and think, "Who is that person?"

So, bottom line, it's not about dealing with the weight, as much as it is dealing with the emotions that cause the weight.

Did I make any sense????

Kori Bliffert said...

Tracy you make perfect sense.

Charley said...

Tracy, I have a question for you. How did you "know" that 125-130 was the natural/ideal weight range for you? As you know, I have lost about 15lbs in 2 1/2 months pretty easily. I know how to lose weight, I know how to maintain, but the $64,000 question is how to figure out the ideal range.

Thanks for all you do.

Tracy said...


I don't know about it being "natural" necessarily, but it took a process of elimination, that I've tried to express in my posts about my weight.

1)My bodyfat is already low by normal standards, how low do I want or need to go? So I have an idea of my LBM. Both levels are more than respectable, after all I'm not a competitve bodybuilder! If I was younger (and "tighter", lol) I could take my bodyfat down lower...I could, AND I would...but I'm not (AND I'm not, lol)

2)If I lose muscle, I lose strength...I like being strong, I like being muscular. So if I lost anymore weight, it would have to be muscle, because I don't want lower bodyfat.

3)I don't want lower bodyfat because I look gaunt and sickly...I'm too stinkin' old to be so thin! I have a mirror, and I can see that's it's NOT attractive. I looked terrible at 123-125lbs.

So I think you have to look at what's imortant to you, and know your muscle to fat ratio. (it's hard to be accurate, so I consider averages)

4)I'm lifting just about as heavy as I want to... to get stronger, I would have to put on more muscle, and that means more weight, and I don't want to. If I was a guy, I probably would want to, but I like being a size 6....ALOT!

lean body mass (muscle)
looks (vanity)

Not necssarily in that order! Does this help?

Lisa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lisa said...

You wear a 6? My mom wears an 8 and she's taller and lighter than you. I guess that supports that a pound of muscle takes less space than a pound of fat (or you have better taste: aka wear tighter clothes!)

Why do you say you looked terrible at 123-5? Don't like to count your ribs? lol P.S. I think your voice is pretty.

Tracy said...


One of my current joys in life, is the fact that I can walk into ANY store and pick up the size 6 and it not only fits perfectly. but looks perfect!

It looks perfect because of my body's musculature, I'm not just a smaller version of my "fat" self! (I need to write a post about that!) I don't wear tight clothes, I don't like tight clothes, a size 8 would, literally, fall off of me.

Guarden said...

Hey Tracy.
I have followed Marks BLOG, and looked at the video with your snatch test about a month ago. I haven't been able to log on, but wanted to say, that it looked very impressive.
And great attitude towards eating and your shape. A lot of (danish) girls could learn from that.
//Guarden, Denmark

Tracy said...

guarden, Thanks for your comments.

I'm currently training to try the SSST with the 16kg. I'm sure it won't be too impressive, because that damn thing is heavy, LOL! But we will video a portion of that, I hope to do it in Sept./Oct.

Mark and I will be in Denmark next May for the RKC.

Guarden said...

great Tracy. The ssst's are crazy-hard.
Hmmm, maybe I should get my self together and throw one in the near future. grrr, hehe..

See you in DK at the RKC. I will assist, as I did and the latter RKC in DK.