Thursday, December 21, 2006

Free Food

Wednesday I packed all of my food (oatmeal, soup, salad) and went to work. Everything was fine until I went into the kitchen at work to put my food in the fridge. On the counter was leftover "party" food. Carrot cake w/cream cheese frosting, gingerbread cake, dark chocolate torte, and a box of See's candy.

I hadn't been craving sugar or anything, I wasn't even hungry. But what is it about free food? Nevermind the fact that frosting of any flavor especially cream cheese is practically irresistable, and gingerbread is one of my favorites and free See's candy!

The feeling that comes over me when free food is offered is hard to describe. Part of it is a feeling of urgency. "I might miss out" or "I might not ever get another chance to eat for free" or "Someone else will take it and I don't want someone else to have something I don't get!"

Free food seems to have a power all it's own. It draws me into it. Because of this sense of urgency I just react and I don't think, so I just start stuffing it down my throat.

It might also be this feeling that certain things in life are unfair. Sometimes I feel like others have more than I do and getting something for free is a way of evening up the score.

I might even feel that I'm wasting this opportunity for something free. Forgetting that the real waste ends up as extra weight on my body.

Anyway, I don't often look for the emotional reasons "why" and try and concentrate on taking responsibility for my choices regardless of "why". I can spend the rest of my life trying to figure out the emotional reasons. The bottom line is that I have to chose not to be a victim of those reasons. Or I can chose to be a victim, the point is that I'm making the choice.

So anyway, to make a long story short, I pulled myself together after a quick "free food" binge at 9:00am and went on with my day. I forced myself to do a calorie break-down of the crap I ate around 1:00. It totaled 800-1000 cals.! I skipped the oatmeal that I brought, ate 1/2 of my soup and made sure to eat my raw vegtable salad for dinner.

The rest of the day was challenging, I was hungry. The binge seemed completely un-worth it. It was such a waste. F*** free food!

2 comments:

Jennifer said...

well said, tracy. don't beat yourself up, you stopped yourself, and made corrections and that's what is important.

Tracy said...

Thanks Jen! I had another small set back today. I'm really surprised at myself. I mean I'm really motivated and I'm having a hard time. What's it like for people that don't have the motivation to stop? It's a non-stop food fest out there!

I bought myself my own box of my favorite See's for Christmas day. Of course I had to buy another box for every one else, so they don't touch mine!

I had a glimpse today of remembering how easy it was for me to gain a ton of weight. I can't wait to get back to a set schedule so I can go back on auto-pilot.

Thanks for your support, Tracy