Monday, December 11, 2006


What motivates? If I had the answer to that question I'd be a rich person. I have been motivated many times in my life and then lost it. I know that I tend to be motivated by challenges. I can be motivated by fear. I'm also motivated by successes.

My current challenges are to mantain my weight and keep making gains with my KB training. I am still an overeater and I know I will at some point have to deal with that. Even though I can eat all the soup and salad I want to, if I can't control portions it gets me into trouble when I eat other foods. I find it hard to stop because I like that full feeling. For whatever reason it doesn't matter. If I can never change it I have to control it. I need motivation for that.

KB training has changed my body unbelievably. If it can do that in 1 1/2 years, what can I do in the next few years? I want to become even stronger, maybe a little leaner, and I know I can get that with KBs. I feel that my body looks more lean and fit than women that have never had to lose 100+ lbs. And that's motivating!

At first my motivating fear was to not get heart disease. Every day I felt like I was "dodging a bullet" Every day I didn't get sick ( diabetes, heart disease, etc.) I was relieved. Little did I know that once I lost the weight all that ailed me would disappear. No back or feet pain, no more out of breath when climbing stairs, no more heartburn etc.

The fear of gaining the weight back is motivating. Even though I have made what I hope are permanent changes I feel that I am still a "fat girl". It's a mentality. I still lick the bottom of the bowl (of ice cream) and eat every bit of my food. Others with this mentality know what I'm talking about.

The fear of losing muscle tone that I've never had ever before in my life (I have "shoulders" now!) is motivating. Maybe a little too much. I'm constanly looking in the mirror to make sure it' s still there. And I want more!

The success that I have made still sometimes seems so unbelievable. Knowing where I came from I had to see it for myself. And It gets easier all the time. It's not hard for me to make my own food, count calories weigh portions, etc., I like it!

The reason I wanted to talk about motivation is that I logged onto a website called I didn't know anything about it, I had read in a magazine that it existed as a type of support group. Three sisters struggling with their weight started it. I really didn't read much because I found it so unmotivating. Almost depressing!

They might have had some success with their weight loss originally, but as of today have lost their battles. Even the sister that had gastric bypass! But they try to continue by journaling every so often (it doesn't look like much) and telling us how tired and over-worked they are, how much their backs hurt and how much they are "starving" when the actually atempt to diet again.

Part of me feels bad for them, because at this point it seems relitively easy for me. I want to shout out to them "Start eating real food! Fresh food! Start walking!". I know that it's simple, but it ain't easy.

I won't bore you with my exact menu today. It's basically the same as every other day. I actually practiced some self control and didn't eat any candy today even though I thought about it alot. My calories today were 1495 and my AM weight was 129.6.

Today was a good day.


Pete Diaz, RKC said...

What a contrast you are to those 3 fat chicks! What good is a support group if it does not motivate? I shared your website with the academy class, and I know especially the females were very motivated to read through your blog. Keep up the honest introspection and kick ass work!

Tracy said...

The minute I become unmotivating, please let me know! I started my blog to share my success and excitement about this miraculous transformation I've been through. It's amazing what the human body and mind can do when one truly committs to change.