Monday, April 16, 2007

Personality Flaws

One of the comments left for me about my last post inspired me to reflect a little more about my mood lately. My mood about food. And that was the suggestion of perfectionism. And of course when I read that, my first response was "perfect"! It hit the spot. (thanks oge!)

I was just telling Mark that I've come to the point of facing some of my personality flaws. At the time of our conversation I was thinking of only two. "Instant gratificaton", and "all or nothing" (black or white). I forgot about "perfectionism". These "flaws" affect my life in both postive and negative ways.

I've been enjoying mostly the positive. My weight loss was fairly quick, because I had to do it NOW. I couldn't wait. And it was easy for me to change the way I eat, because it had to change COMEPLETELY or not at all! And now here I am with the pressure I put on myself to be PERFECT. The "perfect" weight, the numbers on the scale.

Bingeing brings all of these attitudes together in a dangerous combination,

When I chose to give into a binge, or when I feel like I cannot control a binge my attitude that I need to do it or have it (the binge) NOW. And if I'm going to eat ice cream, I need to eat it ALL, and more, because I can't eat ANY later. And since I'm not being PERFECT, I'm going to be the complete opposite and be perfectly imperfect!. All the way!

Well, I guess the only way it makes sense for me to transition into changing attitudes is by taking "baby steps". In other words making changes by staying aware of the extreme emotions associated with thinking this way and work towards breaking them down a little at a time. Because of course when I think of changing my attitudes my first feelings are, "fine, I'll show them! I'll change my attitude now, today, and completely, I'll show them I can be perfect!"

Maybe a little dessert everyday is a way to take a "baby step" (I was going to say the perfect challenge!)

Life is freakin good, have a little dessert!

Wednesday AM weight 127.4
7:00am 45 min. walk
Total calories 1775

Thursday AM weight 126.8
6:30 Bikram yoga
10:00 KB
Total calories 1745

Friday AM weight 128.8 (???)
9:00am 1 mile walk and 20min. KB w/client
Total calories 1585

Saturday AM weight 127.0
7:00am 2.5 mile walk
8:00am Bikram yoga
11:00 KB
high calorie day 2800?

Sunday AM weight 128.8
6:30pm 60 min. walk
low calorie day 1335 ( would've been lower, but the stinkin b-day cake was still around, damn it!)

My moods have been like my weight, up and down all week. My food was basically the same as usual, but because of my funky moods I got behind on posting my menus.

Dried figs/prunes/almonds have been a favorite snack these days along with yogurt w/2tbl. sliced raw almonds. I tried to really up my protein by eating bigger servings (6-8oz) of chicken, fish and beef.

This week I need to continue to eat nutritiously and get my weight consistant. Not any particular number, but consistant.

My weekend started shaky but ended awesomely.

8 comments:

Franz Snideman said...

Amen, life is great...and I did have some COLDSTONE this weekend..yummy!

Tracy said...

I've never had Coldstone! I can blame you if I start!

Royce said...

Right on Tracy. Kep on kicking butt, and you're right. life is awesome.

Lauren said...

Coldstones is dangerously good. I had a Caramel Martini this weekend AND frozen yogurt with lots of fun toppings. I still feel great though! Now back on track.

You are doing so well Tracy. I love your honesty.

LK said...

These days I throw any cake leftovers away the same day.
Whatever works for you.
You're in a maintenance phase. Some people can eat some desert every day, I don't think I will ever be able to. I'd eat once a week, but little. Easy to say, huh? ;-)

Tracy said...

lk, It wasn't technically MY cake! So I couldn't just throw it out, I had to leave some of it for the boys. I almost made it without eating more, but that stinkin' frosting!!!

Im going to the April cert in less than 2 weeks, so I'm pretty motivated to be good until then.

I haven't yet made any decisions about dessert everyday, right now I need to get my weight back down between 126-27.

FallenAngel said...

Never had Coldstone???? Its like never seeing a sunset. You gotta have some. Maybe after that cert you are doing.

I was on the internet at work. The girls at work were asking me how I lost weight (apparently they can tell I lost some). I told them about my diet, and my exercise, and I told them about kettlebells. They had never heard of them. So I showed them what they look like, I showed them your blog and your youtube video of swings, and the article in Gira. They were so totally interested. "They kept saying, is that the only thing she does? Lift that little thing? Can you email that to me?" They think you look awesome. Just thought I'd tell you. They couldn't believe that the video and that old picture of you in the article were the same person. We have a male nurse at work. His name is Martin. In reality, he shouldn't be a nurse, he should probably be a model. He is 38, black/american Indian, and very good looking. Very pretty. He was totally checking your picture out.

And Lauren, I went to your blog, he saw that picture of you, black tank top, blue pants (the one showing now), and he wanted to know if you were single. He was totally entranced. (Shhhh, but Royce thinks you two are pretty hot too).

I wanna be you guys when I grow up.

Just thought I'd let you two know that strangers over in Arizona are ooogling over your pictures.

Tracy said...

Barb, One can never have too many admirers, lol. Thanks for the ego boost, not like I need it (according to Mark!!)