Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Just a Number.

Weight is just a number. The importance you put on it depends on how you look at it. And if you want to change your weight you have to face it head on. Sometimes that means weighing yourself after years of denial, and sometimes that means weighing yourself everyday to make note of subtle changes.

I was never in denial of the fact that I was fat. I had a pretty good idea of what I weighed and was actually surprised that I didn't weigh more than I did when I finally stepped on a scale! In fact I remember stepping on the scale and when it landed on 245 (I know I had weighed more at one time, I thought it was more like 260) I did a "double take" and asked my friend (the witness for the bet) "Does that say 345?". I was the only one (of the women involved in the bet) that admitted my weight out loud.

Although I, at times, felt ashamed about my weight, I wasn't ashamed of myself. My weight was a reflection of an addiction to food, but it was only part of who I was. And I was, for the most part, pretty proud of myself. I had hobbies I enjoyed and were good at, my kids were fine, I had a successful marraige, and I didn't have to want for anything. At the time I didn't even want to be thin! I wished I was thin but, obviously, I didn't want to be thin.

People are more than just a number. Admitting out loud what you weigh can be a very freeing experience. You take responsibilty. You become more accountable. You admit to the world and yourself that part of you. It's the first step in making change happen. A starting point.

I'm now at a point in my diet that I weigh myself everyday. I know if I weigh more than yesterday I ate too much, and if I weigh less I ate too little. But I still sometimes "trip out" when I see a number I don't like. Just another sign of emotional imbalance, because I know weight is just a number. A number that I already know how to manipulate. So I have to remind myself to use that as a guideline for change, if I choose to change it I can.

This morning I weighed 129.2, yesterday 128.4, and the day before 127.4. My calories were within my limit but the type of food I ate affected my weight more than I wanted to admit. But the scale keeps me on track. I know too many carbs make me hold water, and yesterday I had split pea soup, meatloaf (I make mine with oatmeal instead of breadcrumbs, like my mother does!) and roasted butternut squash.

So I'm writing about this subject today to remind myself to calm down, stay positive, and make the changes I need to. My weight is just a number.

6 comments:

Franz Snideman said...

Amen. Amen. Amen. It is amazing how quickly we jump to define ourselves by external measures. The true measure of worth is always internal, always the soul.

Great post!

Royce said...

Great post as usual. Not that i follow models or anything but some crap magazine was giving Tyra Banks a hard time for being 160.
But she is what like 6 feet tall.
But they couldn't get past the number, yet she looks just FINE.

The number is just that a number, it doesn't give you BF percentages or any other info.

I remember stepping on the scale and it going up to 304 I was like "What the hell"
Then I had my BF done 45% believe it or not this was actually encouraging because I knew 165 or so pounds of that was lean mass I could work with and get stronger.
I had a starting point and a base of knowledge.
Where as just seeing 304 was so discouraging.

JD's Rose said...

I agree. Weight is just a number. It is how you think you look and feel that is important.

Pete Diaz, RKC said...

You rock, Tracy. Keep kicking ass!

Tracy said...

Franz, I'm really enjoying you blog lately, you seem to be looking alot at the "internal"


Royce, My girlfriends are always "shocked" when they find out that the're (many times) over 50% BF!

I do the math for them by using the example of professional women bodybuilders. I explain to them that a prof. BB that's 132lbs and has BF of 10% (for a woman that's below 1/2 of ideal.) that leaves her at around 120 lean muscle. And if women BB's look super muscular with 120lbs of muscle, they (my girlfriends)could not possibly have that much muscle!

AM I making sense?

Anyway, whatever the number people have to remember be thankful, it can always be worse.


jd's rose, Thanks for your comment. Age is just a number too! And I feel better than I ever have, even in my 20's!

Pete, Rock on!

Royce said...

Yes perfect sense a woman even in her high 20% looks fine and can be very fit.
It is so unfortunate that so many women think that strength training will make them look unfemanine.

when in reality the most attractive segment of the population ( be it either sex ) are people who are strong, lean and fit.

You should make a video, you would be and ahre a HUGE inspiration!!