In fact just the opposite......
I was having the time of my life, (little did I know how much better it would continue to become). At the time I was starting to really appreciate how good things were. I was in a position to cut back my professional work hours, because I was lucky enough to not have to work for a living. I loved where I lived, not only my home, but geographically where I live...does it get much better than the SF Bay Area in CA? I had hobbies I loved, cooking being one of them, and the time and money to practice my hobbies. My boys were almost grown, and my husband realizing the success he deserved in his field of work. I mean, how could it get better?
I've never had any self esteem problems, I've always felt good about myself. I've always known I was smart, sometimes funny and witty, talented, competent and I was always at the top of my chosen profession, winning awards for my talent in that area. I always felt fairly attractive and pretty, no matter what my weight was. I knew who I was and what I was about. I didn't care about any judgements because of my weight...screw anyone that thought otherwise!
Oh sure, sometimes it was frustrating and hurtful, knowing that I was being judged badly by my appearance, but ultimate the only opinions I cared about were from the people in my life that I loved and that loved me. So, why did I finally decide it was time to do what I already knew how to do...lose the weight my body didn't need.
I think it was because I wanted to live as long as possible to enjoy this amazingly good life I had started to appreciate, and I was getting a little scared that I was going to die before having as much fun as I wanted to! I started to feel as if everyday I was "dodging a bullet". The bullet of a heart attack, the bullet of diabetes, the bullet of a blood clot or stroke, etc... That would suck...big time! And it was under MY control! I wasn't a victim of my fat...I was choosing to be fat. So I decided to chose different.
Not because I hit rock bottom, but because I hit the opposite of rock bottom.
So I've started a new blog, titled Tracy Reifkind's Food and Thought. In my additional blog I want to write, and reflect about food, eating, and positive thinking, therefore positive living. Not to judge, and not to be judged, but to appreciate all the goodness in myself and my life. All the goodness in every one, regardless of what we weigh or what and how much we eat, (or don't eat).